Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
