8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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