That's intense
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
