Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
