so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize