My first STD was from a foam party
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
