i can't believe i had my finger in that
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
