We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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