The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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