What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
handjob tips. give me some.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
It's official drugs can't kill me
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
