After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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