I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
