Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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