im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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