Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
