She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Michael Bay diarrhea
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize