I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
