He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize