So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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