9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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