I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
