I CAN MOONWALK!
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
