he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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