I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
