You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
