even my farts smell like vagina
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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