My nipple is on Facebook.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
