This dress was meant to end up on your floor
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize