No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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