I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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