also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
