The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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