I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
