If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
