I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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