hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
