Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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