Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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