Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
