Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
