it's like iHOP with fire
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
