He told me they were just razor bumps!
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
