mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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