Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
