she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
