I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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