i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
