My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
