oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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