i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
