I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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