dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
