I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I have surprise drugs for everyone
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
