Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
