TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Brb crying the tears of my youth
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
