You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
