i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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