you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
