i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
