I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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