I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize