He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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