Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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