I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
