the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
