im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
