Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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