since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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